Monday, April 1, 2013

Taking Risks With Faith?

I'm going to get personal in this post, but something has been weighing heavy on my mind for a while now - having more children.  I had said that there is no way I can have another child because my pregnancy was horrific BUT during my c-section they discovered the "why" and chances are, my future pregnancy would not be so horrific because they fixed the issues internally.

Then, there is the issue of another c-section, which is major surgery and always carries with it risks and long recovery.  Is my body able to handle it again?  Can my family handle it again with me unable to do much for a few months?

Lastly, there is the issue that I haven't yet blogged about on here but will now.  My daughter, who is now 9, had torticollis of the neck and plagiocephaly because she was literally stuck in my pelvis for a month before birth.  She came out and could only turn one way without pain and her neck continued to get tighter to where she would scream if you tried to turn her the other way and it caused plagiocephaly.  Her plagiocephaly was not just a flat head, it was severe and her face was growing sideways.  She wore a helmet for a year and thank God it fixed her facial features and head almost perfect.  We also had to go to weekly, sometimes bi-weekly therapy for her neck and head.  Zach did not get stuck, which is what I had prayed!  He had a very small head, smaller than average, which is why I believe he didn't get stuck.  However, due to what they believe is my "too small" womb - he had a suture fused at birth that caused a metopic ridge on his forehead that is now poking out, not terribly, but noticeably.  We were assuming he was going to have to have surgery on his head to open it, as most babies with craniosynostosis do, but thank God, he didn't need the surgery because his forehead is square and big enough now that his brain has room to grow!  He does however have brachycephaly, which is flattening of the back of the head that causes a cone-like head on top.  His is not severe but it is moderate, so he made need a helmet in a month, if the measures we are doing now, do not help his head.  He doesn't have any facial symmetry issues though, which is good.

In the opinion of the head cranio-doctor at the children's hospital, any future children I will have will most likely have head issues and it could be worse.  There is either a gene causing this or more likely, my womb is too small for the baby.  If I was to have twins, which is a higher possibility at my age, then the situation could be dangerous.

I still want more children deep inside.  It isn't something that I can just dismiss, though a lot of times I don't think I could "handle" more - I have a desire for more.  Do I just have faith that if God gives us another child that we can take these risks and it is in God's hands?  Or, do I rather, see the risks and assume that is my "sign" or whatever that I should not proceed with any more children?  These are questions I'm faced with right now and that have troubled me for a while.  If I do want to have another, then I want it sooner than later, within 2 years.  I also can't seem to let go of my daughter's toys and clothes and some of the baby stuff that Zach has grown out of.  I also am not sure if I should get rid of my maternity clothes and all of this is so heavy on my heart!  I don't want to just be hasty and say, well, that's it - no more and then live life wondering if this was a time when you just trust God despite the risks.

Please pray for us that we will do the right next step, whatever God wants.  If you have been here, let me know and share your story.  Thanks for listening to me think out loud! :-)

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5 comments:

On A Journey said...

Sending hugs and prayers your way! As I read your story I felt your pain. I have five children ranging in age from 8 to 27 and each of my pregnancies were very different. My first was very easy but the delivery was a little difficult and my daughter had to be delivered with forceps, but was a normal healthy baby. The second pregnancy was difficult I was very sick with many infections and had to be hospitalized. I ended up having a c-section because of infection, but my daughter seemed healthy. After awhile we realized my daughter had delays in walking, talking and was almost 4 before being potty trained. With all this happening my husband said he did not want anymore children because he hated to see how she struggled and did not want another child going through this. When I found out I was going to have baby number 3 I was nervous but excited and this was a normal pregnancy and delivery of a healthy baby but soon after she could not keep formula down and we found out her esophagus was to small and may need surgery, but with slow flow bottle nipples and smaller feedings closer together she had time to outgrow her condition! Then along comes number 4 all went well until the delivery. My son was almost 9 pounds and stuck in the birth canal, the pain was awful! The doctor decided it was to risky for an emergency c-section and used a suction cup on his head to pull him out and this caused my tailbone to crack. My son seemed fine but as he grew he had speech and attention issues. 12 years later I wanted another before I got to old and my husband said he was afraid that we would have a baby with issues because of the problems with the other kids so I pointed out to him that our daughter who had all the developmental delays was now a beautiful young lady who's only issue is a slight speech impediment and she is a little shy but did well in school and now has a job. Our son who had speech therapy now had no speech issues and his attention span was improving! So along came number 5 born by c-section because she to was large and I didn't want to risk another cracked tailbone but soon after she was born she ended up in the NICU because of a lung infection :( They said lung infections sometimes happen in babies born by c-section because they don't get squeezed like babies born vaginally so sometimes fluid stays in their lungs causing infection. Antibiotics and a few days in the NICU and all was well THANK GOD. All pregnancies and children are different. Some are easy some are difficult but in the end all their lives end up just the way God planned them! Four of my kids are now healthy adults two are married and have families of their own and I have a healthy 8 year old at home! My daughter who had the most issues is now 25 still lives at home but has a good job! She still has issues with shyness and still has a slight speech impediment but is a wonderful kind, caring and loving adult. My son has no speech impediment at all now and his attention issues are as good as they can be for an boy....lol...but he is 20 and he too still lives at home but has a good job a beautiful girlfriend and is a very loving brother and uncle to his nieces and nephews! All worked out as it should in the end! I hope and pray you find the answers you are looking for! Trust in God and follow your heart!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe adoption may be the way to go?

Christian Homekeeper said...

On a Journey - thank you SO much for sharing your story, it was wonderful to hear how it all turned out. I do want 5 children, just not sure if that is possible with my health but whatever God gives us we are happy all the same!

Anonymous - Yes, I have thought of that but hubby said no. Thanks for the comment!

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with "On a Journey" on this one. All pregnancies are different. I have 8dc and love each and every one of them. I had a very difficult first delivery. He got stuck so bad that the doc, two nurses, forceps and a vaccum where ALL involved in his delivery with a very exhausted momma! But, when i had #2, all was going well until i stopped dialating at 5cm (w/pitocin) and they preformed an emergency c-section. I have since (in total) had 7 c-sections! The doc's all know and understand that i know the risks involved and they ALL work with me! I just know and understand that this is where my faith it. As i outstretch my arms (for the OR table) and they strap me in, i always wondering if this is what Jesus willing did for us!? So, therefore, this is what i do for that new life. Some say that i have to "excercise some responsibility and 'limit' the number of children we have" to just a few. I ask, where is your faith? (i know that i might get some backlash about all this; but just pondering the questions that God pondered my way.) Oh, and btw, we cannot adopt either. The state says that we have "two many" children to adopt. They only allow 2 children before adoption is considered.

Christian Homekeeper said...

Wow thanks for sharing anonymous! I've heard the most done safely was 13 c-sections, amazing what can be done today.

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