Thursday, March 6, 2014

4th Baby Awaiting Us in Heaven

I miscarried tonight.  I had pain Wednesday morning but it went away and I rested most of the day.  Then, as I was making dinner and dessert I started having more pain and it got so severe I wasn't sure I was going to live through it.  At the ER the doctor suspected ectopic pregnancy and had the IV started but thankfully I didn't have that, I was rather miscarrying.

This is our 4th pregnancy lost we believe and we didn't have answers as to why with the others but we now know that it was because of my organs and uterus were not in their correct places after my c-section.  That was fixed with my past c-section 15 months ago, so we weren't sure why I was miscarrying this baby.  There is a possibility that a cyst on my cervix, which was there 6 months ago but should have gone away, has grown in size and is still there.  The ER doctor said it could be why the pregnancy was unable to continue on and removing it is probably something we will be doing before trying to conceive again.

You know this was sad for me but as I was praying, "Oh God, please don't take my baby!"  I changed my prayer to, "Your will be done God, you know more than me of what is going on in there, I give it to you."  I felt a release when I prayed that prayer rather than begging God to let me keep the baby.  God knows what He is doing.

I'm doing ok, I'm realizing that we must praise God no matter what - I praised Him yesterday for the child He gave me and today I praised Him for His hand of protection.  This verse came to me during my last miscarriage in 2008 and it came to my mind again tonight:

Job 1:21

".....the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

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21 comments:

Heather said...

Oh dear sweet girl, I am so very sorry for your loss. Nothing I say can or will ease the pain in any way. I know how you feel, I too had one less than a year ago and I know the crushing weight that you feel right now. May Father God wrap you in his comforting arms. A song that helped me get through it (if you so choose) was Selah's I Will Carry You.

I am glad you feel peace. I hope it continues.

tealady said...

So very,very sorry for your loss,praying for you.

Joyful Christian Homemaking said...

That's the verse, (and the song about it) that comforted me when my dad died.

I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. I have a few waiting for me in heaven, too. You get your rest, and love on those two precious children you have with you right now.

God bless you.

Tricia said...

Oh Bev, I am SO sorry for your loss! Your testimony of being in the Lord's will is SO strong and such a blessing! You and your family are in my prayers.
Tricia

Mrs. Chrissy T said...

I'm so sorry! Prayers of comfort!

Keeper Ministries said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for healing for your body and heart. Looking forward to that blessed day of reuniting with precious babies in heaven. God bless you sister.

Twocans said...

I'm so sorry to hear, I know how you were really wanting this child. May God comfort your hearts...

Anonymous said...

Hugs!!

Michelle

Linda said...

I am so sorry, Bev. I pray God will send comfort and peace to your heart.

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you all so much, it truly encourages my heart to have people, some whom I've never met, care! :-)

Jean said...

I understand your loss. I pray the Lord lift you and give you His peace and comfort. Your precious baby is held in the Lord's loving arms.

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you so much Jean! ;-)

Sharon said...

Bev,
I'm so sad.
(((hugs)))

Sharon said...

Oh sweetie, I am SO sorry. When I first read this it felt like a punch in the gut. I just told you congrats and was seriously keeping you in my prayers. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. May God comfort and heal you, and may you rest your weary self in his hands.

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thanks to both Sharons! ;-) Sharon #2 - I'm so sorry you felt that way, my husband had told me it might be a good idea to wait a while before I tell people when we found out, but I was so excited I told a lot and then blogged about it. I had to spend last night and today telling people I lost the baby - I guess in hindsight I wish I hadn't but then I wouldn't have known that so many people would care I guess you could say.

Sharon said...

Oh no, do not feel badly! I just meant I was shocked and so saddened for you. Consider this a big virtual hug from a sister in Christ. I know a lot of people say not to tell until the 12th week, but, really, ask if it would be a burden or a blessing to have people know afterwards. For some, telling everyone would be a burden. For others, it is a blessing to have others acknowledge the loss and be there for them. After my son was stillborn, I was so thankful for all the memories I had made with him. Those little guys have a lot of personality even when they are still in you! Every child is such a blessing, no matter how fleeting their time with us may be. God bless!

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thanks Sharon! ;-) I do know that it was so heavy on me that I had told so many people and then announced it on here as well, I think that was one of the hardest things I had to do was tell everyone I lost the baby. I think next time, I may wait, I guess I will cross that bridge whenever we get there again.

Linda said...

I am so sorry about your miscarriage. You have been heavily on my heart and in my prayers for the past few weeks. I just read about this recent loss this morning. I know this is a time of healing, more emotionally than physically, and you will continually be in my prayers. May God give you peace and show you His infinite love always. (((HUGS))). If you just need to talk about it, I am all ears.

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you Linda for the prayers, I really appreciate it and need them!! :-)

Megan said...

Bev i'm so sorry for your loss. Will be praying for you and your family. You are a real testimony and thankyou for being so open and vulnerable. Hugs from Australia:)

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you so much Megan! :-)

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