Monday, March 16, 2015

I'll Never Be The Same

Romans 8:18

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

This miscarriage has changed me so much that I don't feel I will ever be the same.  It changed me in a good way, some things that I needed changed that I didn't even realize.  It sparked something inside.  It built up my faith by bringing it down to the test of my life.  I felt those feelings of God not there - I related to Jesus in a small way.  I was alone in the garden praying when others fell asleep but I couldn't stop as it was me that was getting ready to go through what I did - alone.  I got a taste of the sufferings of Jesus in so many ways the past few years.

I got woken up to the feeling of the grief of death, which I had never really felt before as I've only lost an aunt when I was young.  Sure, I've had miscarriages but they were so early, they didn't really make me grieve in the way this one did.  I got a taste of the future of life - grieving of losing those I love, it is inevitable and will come.  I think to myself - Oh God, do we have to bear this?  Can't you just come soon so I won't have to see the death of my parents and others I know?  Then, I think of those that need the extra time before Christ comes to be saved and I see my selfishness.  God, Your grace is sufficient.

I'll never be the same.  God has already started moving in amazing ways in my life, in my soul, my heart and my mind.  He burned off the dross.  I survived the fire.  Here I am Lord.....my eyes are open.

Friends, let God fine-tune you through your trials.  You can let them make you or you can let them ruin you - we have the choice!  "Refine me O Lord!" should always be our prayer and like Paul, we can thank God for our sufferings - it is what makes us better.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

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