Saturday, September 4, 2010

Mailbag: Question & Answer Part 2

Question #3
What do you think about unmarried women working? Like, a teenager that wants to work, or a single woman, or a woman working to help save money in order to get married. 

My opinion on this has changed over the years and my husband and I view the family in a different way than most in society today.  This is a personal conviction, meaning - I don't hold others to this but its purely what God has convicted our family of following.

With girls, who eventually become women, God never intended for her to be what I call "headless".  Headless meaning without a head.  She begins under her Father and then should not leave his headship until she is married and is under her husband's headship.  If she follows this, she would never need to work on a job.  With boys, its quite different - they are destined to work on a job, so therefore when we have a boy, it will be a different for him.

Note - just wanted to insert this here because someone had even told us this years ago.  Some suggest that the Pastor is the head of the single women in the church.  I totally disagree with this and if anyone is her head it is Christ.  If anything, those that teach this are often very controlling to say that the single women should submit to him, when he is neither their father or their husband.  He should be promoting submission to Christ not himself.  For a minister of God to tell parents that their daughters are under him when she turns 18 is disgusting to say the least!  Pastors don't tell our daughters what to do, we do as parents.  My husband is her head until she is married and then her husband is her head.  The Biblical model tells us that the women should ask their husband questions at home - notice how it never instructed her to follow another man but her husband!  The husband is the representative and sole authoritarian of each family.  A true, Godly Pastor will not overstep this boundary because the Bible clearly instructs the woman is in submission to her OWN husband only.  SO much more to say here, maybe I will do a post on Biblical headship soon if time permits.

We don't agree with society's rule that when the girl is 18, she is out on her own to fend for herself.  Society doesn't make our families' rules.  Until our daughter is married, she will remain in our home under her father's headship.  We are planning on starting college courses online when she is 16 or later, depending upon her abilities.  If she wishes too, I would allow her to work for her father or tutor/teach others for income to save for a vehicle, future, etc.  She is a maiden in waiting as she is home with us, until her future husband will come and marry her.  There is an excellent book that I own called "Raising Maidens of Virtue" and it truly fits with this model and teaching our girls to not have a worldly view but a Godly view.

There is always the exception in homes where God is not present but then why would they even follow the Bible if they are not Christians?  The Bible is the Christian's guide for life.

For single women, who may be widows or came from homes that were un-Christian and therefore escaped those environments......if they are Christian women, the following is my opinion concerning these.  They must work to survive, but their ultimate goal should be what the Bible taught these women to do: marry, bear children and guide the house.  She should seek to marry and not live the single life, so that takes care of the working only being temporary.

As far as widows go, I would expect the family of the widow to support her if she is completely unable to work for herself and if she has no family and meets the Bible requirements for a widow indeed - then the church would take care of her.  Notice that Paul said in that passage that it was for the younger.  Maybe the 90yr old widow can't find a man to marry her, so what is she to do? The older could be great teachers with their wealth of wisdom that's for sure!

In the olden days, and even in some Amish circles today, only the single women work as teachers at the schoolhouse and when they would marry, they would be replaced with another single woman.  Being a teacher would be one of the occupations I could support my daughter in if she went years without finding a husband.  I would want her to teach in a place that supported God though, not the corrupt public school system!  Something like a Christian school or even tutoring or teaching piano, etc.

My opinions may change as the years go by but one thing will not change and that is the role of women according to the Bible - to marry, bear children and guide the house; keep the home, love their husbands and chidren, etc.  God's word never changes!  Society changes, but God does not.  We know what our daughters should be upon marriage, but before that, in my opinion, is something that lies upon the personal conviction of each family.

Christian Homekeeping © All Rights Reserved.


Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more with what you write. My late wife and I raised three daughters and two sons. I grew up a Christian home , but my parents were permissive and my mother was never really obedient to my father which led to terrible strife in our home. My wife on the other was brought up in more traditional home, her mother was a model of obedience and modesty , a good homemaker, a wonderful example for her children Meeting her family during courting was a real culture shock to me. We courted for three years so I could finish college, my wife to be had ended her education at 16 and under her mother's guidance learned all the important skills of homemaking , her parents liked me and approved of our up coming marriage.

However, shortly after we were married , things began to go wrong. My young wife would neglect her chores and spend time away from home with her female friends. This went on for about a year until in desperation I asked for help from her father. He told me that I was the problem. It was my refusing to step up to my God given job of headship that my young wife was behaving like my mother did when I was growing up. I had unintentionally re created the home I grew up in.

So about a year after we were married I finally accepted my God given place in our marriage as Head of Household. Things didn't improve instantly, but over time, by providing consistent and unwavering leadership, by establishing limits, expectations and when absolutely necessary consequences my young wife became more like her mother and less like my mother.

We raised five children, two sons and three daughters. They are all married now, I have twelve grandchildren , all are in traditional Christian marriages. Our goal was to raise our daughters to be excellent homemakers and obedient wives and our sons to be responsible leaders and good bread winners for their future families. Both our sons completed college. We didn't home school but all our children attended strict Christian schools, for our daughters up until the age of 16.

My wife taught all our daughters the important domestic skills that she learned from her mother. They were required to help with all the domestic chores under my wife's guidance as soon as they were old enough but after age 16, my wife's teaching became more intense to prepare them to be the best homemakers possible for their future husbands. Her own obedience and diligence in household chores also served as great example for them. So it's obvious why I am so delighted to find this web site, please keep up the good work you are doing.

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

When you speak on the need of women to not be " Headless" you speak wisely. This can become a problem with widows who after many years of marriage suddenly have no male authority in their life. When my father in law died after a 45 years marriage my mother in law was distraught , she had never in her life not been under the authority of a man. My wife begged that she come and live with us and about six months after her husband passed away she did. I became her de facto male authority which made her feel much more secure, she lived with us for about 12 years. She was obedient and seldom was a problem. She was a good companion for my wife , and our children who had not yet left the nest, loved having her live with us.

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