Monday, March 16, 2015

I'll Never Be The Same

Romans 8:18

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

This miscarriage has changed me so much that I don't feel I will ever be the same.  It changed me in a good way, some things that I needed changed that I didn't even realize.  It sparked something inside.  It built up my faith by bringing it down to the test of my life.  I felt those feelings of God not there - I related to Jesus in a small way.  I was alone in the garden praying when others fell asleep but I couldn't stop as it was me that was getting ready to go through what I did - alone.  I got a taste of the sufferings of Jesus in so many ways the past few years.

I got woken up to the feeling of the grief of death, which I had never really felt before as I've only lost an aunt when I was young.  Sure, I've had miscarriages but they were so early, they didn't really make me grieve in the way this one did.  I got a taste of the future of life - grieving of losing those I love, it is inevitable and will come.  I think to myself - Oh God, do we have to bear this?  Can't you just come soon so I won't have to see the death of my parents and others I know?  Then, I think of those that need the extra time before Christ comes to be saved and I see my selfishness.  God, Your grace is sufficient.

I'll never be the same.  God has already started moving in amazing ways in my life, in my soul, my heart and my mind.  He burned off the dross.  I survived the fire.  Here I am Lord.....my eyes are open.

Friends, let God fine-tune you through your trials.  You can let them make you or you can let them ruin you - we have the choice!  "Refine me O Lord!" should always be our prayer and like Paul, we can thank God for our sufferings - it is what makes us better.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

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6 comments:

Twocans said...

That's exactly how I felt in my situation, I am forever changed; while I deeply miss my husband, I KNOW that I am not alone, and God wants to do something special with me. Till then, I simply want to be a "Mary," at His feet...

Christian Homekeeper said...

Twocans - though I can't relate in the depth of your grief of losing your husband, I feel I finally know what grief feels like and I can relate in a small way. I never knew it hurt this bad. I've thought of if my husband died - how horrible that would be, but to actually taste the grief of death recently - woke me up to the sufferings of others. I pray for you often and think of you - you and your whole family inspire me through all that you have been through and the smile you still carry on your face despite the difficulties!! Thanks for being an example!

Twocans said...

HIS GRACE is sufficient...

Christian Homekeeper said...

:-)

Jessica said...

You might want to check out kristinschmucker.com and try to connect with her. She lost her baby at 37weeks a little over a year ago and has encouraged a lot of women through similar losses. (((hug)))

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you Jessica! I did search her site and found her story, that was so sad - I can't imagine the pain she went through.

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