Friday, August 8, 2008

A Rarity Today: Courtesy

I have had about ENOUGH of the disrespect and discourtesy of others! I was raised in the South, a part of the country that abounds with hospitality and courteous folk. It seems to me that as each year goes by, people are becoming more and more rude and ill-mannered toward each other.

Just what is courtesy? Let's define it using Webster's:
  • Courtesy/Courteous - marked by respect for and consideration of others
Now lets look at the words respect and consideration:
  • Respect - regard, consideration, attention to
  • Consideration - thoughtful, regard

Hebrews 10:24

"And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:"

Here is a list of things that are very rude, disrespectful and definitely not courteous:

  1. Talking to someone on the phone, and they abrubtly say hold on and click over to another line. This is called, not call waiting, but call RUDE! That is like saying "Oh, there is someone I would rather talk to on the other line than you." Sometimes people don't even click back over and you are waiting, waiting, waiting........then you realize they are not ever clicking back. This is very disrespectful. Is there an exception? Yes, sometimes you are expecting a very important call. It is well mannered to let the other person know this and please don't leave them hanging on the other line!
  2. Not keeping your word. Some people's "word" is about as good as a boat with a hole in it lol. It just isn't reliable, you can't count on them. You say you will be there at such and such a time but don't show and don't call to notify that you are not coming or that you are late, etc. If you call to say you can't make it or call that you are running late, that is having a courtesy towards the other person. However, if you don't call or even let that person know why you didn't show and NEVER apologize that is just plain RUDE! We all have things that come up in life and sometimes we have to cancel things, but make sure it is an honest reason.
  3. Not holding the door for the person behind you. That is the ultimate of rude, I mean come on! How hard is it, to hold the door till the person behind you gets it?
  4. Flaunting and exposing your body when families are nearby. Of course Christians don't have to worry about this! I'm talking about women that want everyone and anyone to see their "goods". Women that don't hold anything sacred and private anymore but just let it all out. It is so disrespectful to others when you see this at the mall or other family areas. My child doesn't need to see your breasts and your belly button! Actually my daughter, would say to me if she saw this: "Mommy, why does that lady not have all her clothes on?" She says that about Barbie dolls at Walmart and those despicable Bratz dolls! She KNOWS what is modest already at age 4!
  5. One-sided friendships, where a person is selfish and doesn't return the efforts: this is where you are the one who calls a friend, goes by their house to see them, make efforts to show your friendliness but receive nothing in return. Someone that will not return your efforts, is not worth it in my opinion. I learned early on that if you spend your time with these type of people where everything is all about them and they never make efforts to call you or see how you are, they are just full of them selves and you really don't matter lol. I worked in collections years ago and when I would leave messages on people's phones for the hundredth time it seemed, I would say "Please give us the common courtesy of a return call." Till this day, that has stuck with me! Like my 2nd Pastor taught us, if someone doesn't want to talk to you, even after your attempts, don't pursue them! They aren't worth your time! ; ) A phrase he used a lot was "you don't want to talk to me, I don't want to talk to you!" I still laugh when I think about that because I can hear him in my mind saying it lol.
  6. Cliques! I honestly can't believe that there are even cliques in the church but it happens even in God's house! Someone mentioned something about the same ole' people always grouped together at fellowship's and the same ole' ones making trouble, etc. Whenever I see someone new, I try and talk to them and be their friend. I remember what it was like to be new in WA and how for months, no one really would be-friend me and my husband until one couple finally invited us over. I still remember who it was and to this day we are still good friends with this Rev and his wife. We then started inviting people over in mass numbers lol. Seems like every week (sometimes twice a week) we had people over for fellowship. Show yourself friendly! If you find yourself never reaching out to new people at your church, where you live, etc then make sure you aren't being a respector of persons and staying in your "comfort" zone. Step out and be friendly and get to know people!! Become a people person and don't succumb to a clique! Heaven will not be divided into the black clique and the white clique, etc. So you might as well prepare here and show yourself friendly.
  7. When someone is in need or sick you offer no help. How would you feel if you were sick and in need, and no one cared? Whenever someone mentions a sickness or a need, I always ask "is there anything I can do?" Sometimes I just go ahead and do something if God lays it on my heart. But never putting out a hand to help is selfish. How many people are always grabbing hands of help but never themselves putting one out? There will come a day if you live long enough, that you will need someone. My Pastor's wife recently shared with me that what you do for others always comes back!
  8. Doing all the talking and never letting the other person get in a word edgewise. It is one thing to talk to start a conversation or even keep one going. But when one person keeps talking and talking and never pauses to let you say something.......that isn't very courteous is it? I mean how many times have you avoided someone just because you know they will go on and on and you won't get in a word? I try and pause when I talk and let the other person say something. If they don't, I then continue on. You can usually tell when someone wants to say something, it is then you should pause and let them talk! Or else you may find that no one wants to be around you. Let's face it, people like to talk about themselves and in dealing with people, if you find they are shy, just start asking them questions about themselves and you will get them talking! Courtesy is a two-way street, practice what my daughter does with her friends and say "its your turn now". =0
  9. You are trying to merge and no one will let you in. Doesn't it feel good when you let someone in that is merging or turning onto the street you are on? Most of the time they wave and mouth a "thank you" and you get a warm fuzzy feeling inside lol. Practice doing this and it will come back to you! When you need to get out in traffic, all of sudden you will find it easier. I can't tell you how many times this reaping and sowing law has come to life for me!
  10. Not bearing other people's burdens. The Bible instructs us in Galatians 6:2, "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ." Why are there so many Cain's today? Those that sarcastically say "Am I my Brother's Keeper?" Well guess are! We are commanded in God's word to edify one another; lift one another up; restore one another and on and on. We have a duty to others! You can't just sit in your own BUBBLE and have no care for others, that is selfishness. So bear your brother or sister's burdens! Rejoice when they rejoice, weap when they weap. What would Jesus do? Could you really see Jesus sitting on his couch in his own little bubble and never caring for others? NO! So don't say you are Christ-like, if you do the opposite he has taught us.

Let's all practice some common courtesy this week! Hold that door open, let that car get in front of you, smile at someone at the store and call up those you care about. Not only are others watching your life, God is too!

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Anonymous said...

Matthew 5:14-16 - You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven

Nothing speaks volumes to non-believers and others than our actions. If it doesn't go with our words, there is no weight to anything we do.

If a non-believer sees a Christian acting in a way that is no different than a non-believer, what reason than would a non-believer have to come to know the love and redemption of knowing our Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ?

Very powerful and true words that you wrote and just had me going "Amen".

We live in a world where it seems nothing to keep one's word, to even just take the time to encourage another and it's those things that we can serve God with, without all the show and bravado that goes with it.

I think for many though, if they don't feel like the eyes of the world is on them, then simple gestures of courtesy isn't worth it, which is sad and a reflection of our times.

May our Heavenly Father keep me humble and mindful of His word and how my words and actions reflect or can reflect badly of Him or a lack of Him.

God bless you for this honest and powerful and convicting post!!

I so appreciate your recommendation regarding Vines Dictionary and Concordance and will see about getting them asap.

There's a bible dictionary I had been eyeing so I think I will definitely get that now for sure, lol, as for Webster, we're homeschooling so that would be a big help either way! LOL, thank you so much for stopping by my blog and your comment. I'm so glad that you did, for it led me here this morning to read a fantastic post by you!

Great job!

Mary said...

Great post! I agree 100%. Sadly this isn't only in our state of WA. I've lived in a few different states and they're all the same. The last place that my family lived was the SF Bay Area. Oh my! It's far worse there.

candy said...

Dear Bev,
This was another favorite post of mine!!!
Ok first I have to talk about #9! I cant EVEN tell you how much of a "pet peeve" it is for me when people dont give you a friendly wave when you let them cut in front of you. I grew up in small towns where you just always wave as people in the cars as you drive by even if you dont know them LOL so of course we would wave when they let us merge in. But where I live now, in this big city, hardly anyone gives a friendly wave. they just seem to act like it their "right" that you so kindly let them merge in front of you.

Yes, the cliques in Church is bad. Seems every church as this issue and its not good at all. Were actually losing Church attendance in North America because of this!

Yes, I too have experienced one sided friendships. Its awful and hurtful.

I agree too about holding the door for people behind you. I like to hold the door open for others. One time I was holding the door open for someone who was coming out of a store that I was going into so I waited and held the door open for her and somehow our hands touched and she shocked me (literally, I got a electric shock) I said "oh my, I was shocked" or something like that because I was so surprised about it LOL and she said "it must be because of your electric personality". I thought that was so sweet of a stranger to say! And it always stuck with me and I remember that kindness of her words when I open the dorr for others.

Yes, call waiting is very rude. We dont have that feature but Ive been on the other end of it when someone did that to me!

Flaunting and exposing your body.... *sigh!* I have even seen it at Church!!! Ladies wearing low cut tops! Or even their wedding dress. I cant believe it! Its so disappointing to me especially to see Christian ladies do this. I just dont get it.

This was a good post. I agree with everything!

Candy :)

Tracy said...


Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you twinklemom, Mary, Candy and Tracy for your comments! :)

I enjoyed reading all of your comments!


Ticia said...

Being born and raised here in beautiful Washington state I know a little bit about us. Yep a very liberal place, right behind Oregon.
It's not a walk in the park to be a Christian here. Washingtonians are not rude by Washington standards.
But having the privilege to visit (for a year) Arkansas were my grandmother was from.
They are a more genteel people down there. And we are down right unfriendly by their standards. So I can see where you are coming from.
Can I post one little southern peeve? Most if not all pastors come up to us from the south (yeah glad to get them) BUT they all say this to us when they get here. You are the most unchurched state in the country! Well thanks! Why don't you slap me around a little while you are at it! But mostly I love southern folks.
Very friendly people for the most part! Leticia

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thanks Ticia for the comment!


Anonymous said...

Bev I remember living up in Washington. I really had no hope for America. I kind of had the view point while living in Washington that America as a whole was just like them. Then we moved to a much more conservative state and was I slapped in the face with Courtesy, Hospitatlity, Friendliness. I was so overwhelmed and thankful the rest of the states aren't like Washington :)

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thanks for the comment Anonymous! It is very much different when you have experienced other parts of the US and then come here lol.


~~Deby said...

Wow Bev...this is a great post...I broke my break from blogland to tell you that...
Another pet peeve for me is people complaining in the retail industry...when I am out I do not want to hear the store gossip....I hate it..
I think Washington overall is a pretty rude place....
Is the heat getting to you?
Anyways...great post,once again...and some areas I need to work on FOR SURE..

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thanks for the comment Deby! :) It is hot but I'm handling it ok!


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