Friday, July 9, 2010

What Example Have We Given?

I received a lot of comments in the past few weeks and some I'm sure were meant to mock women like me, but the sad thing is, they had some truth in them.  The comments ranged from attacks at homekeepers to attacks even more specifically (naming certain individuals).  At first, I just mentally shoved the comments aside and got angry but then being truthful with myself - I had to admit they were so right.  I know several that just sit around, clean their house (maybe), ship their kids off to school not even caring to help them with their homework, defrauding their own husbands, getting fat and spend their days on the internet or playing a game.  They give the homekeeper a bad rap and sadly its a majority instead of a minority that do this.

What example have we given?  Why have some been so lazy doing their Godly role as a homekeeper as to bring a reproach?  I will tell these commentors (you know who you are) that I apologize on behalf of these women and their lack of example.  It isn't supposed to be that way and a Godly homekeeper will be about NOT JUST HER HOME but her family and betterment of her husband in the community as well!  She isn't one to be known as a gamer, sit on her butt all day internet surfing and she surely doesn't spend hours in being a busybody catching up on other's affairs!  She isn't down with the latest gossip, is willing to help a friend in need, prays for her family daily, and sees every venture outside her home as a chance for God to use her to touch someone's life that day!

The question was posed, very sarcastically - about what I think about a woman who hires others (with or without pay) to clean her home.  I will give my opinion - if she is well-abled physically/mentally, then why would she have others perform her role?  Is it time for a new baby?  I know moms need help during that time.  Or does she deem something else more important than what God has called her to do - keep her home?  I remember a time when I was so busy that I didn't have time to eat, typing notes and I paid a friend $20 to scrub my tub and do my dishes.  I kept telling myself it was ok and was going to keep it going because I was doing the will of God by typing my notes for Seminary - but really I should have kept my family and Godly role first.  Here I was, training to be a minister's wife, with a husband that would be preaching the woman is to be a keeper at home and I wasn't even keeping my own home!

Recently, a woman over me in the Lord told me that I must tell others that they need to do what I'm doing (cooking and home management).  Do you know how much I wanted to cry at this moment?  Why cry you may say?  Because, the reason I set this blog up in the first place was to help others with what I took years to research and learn myself ONLY to be ridiculed, attacked, gossiped about and even shunned by some who used to be my friends.  One person confided in me and told me that a group was talking about me and how great I thought I was and they called me super-spiritual and lot of other things.  Do I think these people are saved?  NO!  But, I prayed for them and forgave them.   What I wanted to tell this dear, woman of God was that it wasn't just as easy as saying - hey, do this and it will help you.  Others will change your intention and good motive into something evil or prideful and say your a show off.

I will tell you my story.  I wasn't born a homekeeper and I never knew how to cook until after I got married.  I didn't even know how to boil an egg!  My mother had no time for me and I didn't know how to wash clothes or clean and all the other things that maybe most women learned alongside their mothers growing up.  Mine worked and then a lot of things happened to me that ended my childhood a bit early.  When I got married, I had to teach myself everything!  I spent years learning, researching, experimenting and trying to get the skills I needed as a woman/wife/mother/homekeeper.  I wish I had a Godly older woman that would have taken the time to show me these things but everyone is so 'busy' these days to help the younger generation it seems.

After many years and upon arriving in Washington state and seeing how women didn't know how to keep home, much less be frugal - I saw a need.  I remember one lady in particular that helped us move in our belongings.  She wondered why I had a freezer and I began to tell her about buying in bulk, etc.  She had no clue and sadly she struggled so much she eventually left God and her husband.  The poor girl needed some help but where was the help?  I tried to show her what I knew with what time had afforded me with a 2yr old running around but clearly no one had taken the time out to help her learn to be a homekeeper or a wife.  How many will we let slip through the cracks?  Who will help another with the skills you have?  I started a blog to help that sister out there who was like me years ago - hopefully easing her learning and teaching her in a short time what took me years.  I hope to give that example, even though I'm not the older woman, I can't seem to find too many that are available to help the younger generation sadly.  Ironically, my mom and I, are very close now and she likes to send me recipes she wished she had taught me to cook years ago.  I told her to not live in regret but know that I'm ok now and I will teach my daughter and tell others.  She tells me to keep doing that and spreading the word to other women to stay home and take care of their husbands and children!

Not everyone has to scrounge the yard sales, sit around bored, facebook gaming all day and putting down another through gossip.  That is not the example we should be giving and I hope to try - though I'm imperfect, have had big failures and have many faults - to help another in some way through this blog.

*I'm now allowing anonymous comments.  I had taken them away a few months ago but if you are really wanting an answer and for some reason afraid of giving your name - I will respond.  

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Jamie said...

I recently found your blog through Candy's blog and just wanted to say thank you. I am a stay at home mom to two young boys and I enjoy learning from other Christian moms on the web!

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you Jamie and nice to meet you virtually! ;-)


Candy ♥ said...

This is so true Bev! There are more homemakers that sit around and dont do their homemaking than those that actually DO do their homemaking and thats true that it is what gives homemakers/keepers a bad name.
Why would the feminist women or any women want to be home fulltime when they see the homes of some of who do stay home.
Lady Lydia has a blog and she always stresses that we should be keeping up with our homekeeping and then inviting other into our home for fellowship, encouragement and to help and teach them.
Also, I read or heard somewhere a long time ago that " Christian homekeepers should always have their home kept up, food ready, etc etc so that their husband is never embarrassed of the home and so that he can feel free on a whim to spontaneously invite people for supper or tea and dessert if he wanted because he knows that in HIS home, people are always welcome, the home is always tidy, the wife always has a freezer meal or freezer dessert and theres always a tea to serve" I have NEVER forgotten that. That means so much to me and is a reminder to me because I really never want to let Rob down. He works so hard all day and I feel like I should work just as hard to keep the home running smoothly, smelling fresh and clean etc.
Of course nobody is perfect (Im not) but we should at least TRY our very best to be good homekeepers. The Bible actually tells us not just to be homekeepers but to be good homekeepers.
You wont catch me wasting time on places like facebook I can tell ya that. I feel like those places are rather childish for married women anyway (just my opinion). Or gaming (whatever that is). I use the computer solely for blogging (learning from other women, and helping other women if I can) and checking my email. But even then, I do it between breaks as I make sure to get everything done that needs to be done each day. I would hate for my husband to think I was a lazy housewife. That would just about kill me.

Good post!!! :):)

Candy ♥ said...

I just typed a long post and I dont think it went thru boohooooooo
Wont type it all over again but I was just agreeing with you anyway :)


Christian Homekeeper said...

No worries Candy - your comment went through! ;-) Thanks for your words!


Heather said...

Dear Bev,
I would just like to say that as a new subscriber to your Blog, I agree entirely with your philosophy and look on life.
Those who criticise your writings are not obliged to subscribe, nor even visit your site. The title of your wonderful site says it all.It's great to be here!
God Bless You!!

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you so much Heather for your kinds words! ;-) I feel the same way and wonder why they still visit but as my sign says my haters check up on me hehe.

I cring every time I check my comments to approve and I bow my head and pray before opening one. I know that speaking the truth isn't popular, even in today's "Christian" world. It is so refreshing to receive a comment such as yours and a blessing to MY soul!! Many times, I thought I should just quit standing up for what I believe in but that would be being a coward and what satan would want - to shut me up. I take the good with the bad and if it helps just ONE person then that is enough for me.

Thanks again Heather and nice to meet you virtually! :)


jen said...

Thank you for your blog. It is hard to find any friends and or mentors who share our views, sad. You are a inspiration and I thank you

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you so much Jen! :-)


Anonymous said...

Oh Bev.

I do think this post was used to convict me. Although my story isn't the normal one.
When we lost our infant son to SIDS, I didn't care about doing anything, and that desire to keep my home is slow in coming back.
I've used the internet to seek solace in reading other women s experience with SIDS. I've been blessed by coming across a few blogs that have helped get me back on path with God.

Now it seems, He is directing me towards my home, and keeping it for His glory and to help my husband.

As a home (maker) wife, who typically does spend time on the internet and Facebook, (too much of it, I'm chagrined to admit) that should be spent on keeping my home, I thank you for this post. I thank you for facing your comments and being brave and faithful enough for posting it.

Work in progress, one day I'll be a crown to my husband,


Christian Homekeeper said...

Thanks for sharing your heart Peggy and my condolences for your loss.


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