Just knowing that God purposed to save my life, let me know that He isn't finished with me yet. He could have let me die, yet He chose rather to work things together to let me live. In the back of my mind I've had an unsettling fear that God wasn't pleased with me for some past mistakes I made. Every time things came up with my health, I felt the impending "judgment" of God upon me and assumed I was being punished. It is just something that I've battled with in my mind for many years but I'm here to let the devil know that God wiped away all of that this past few weeks. He has torn down the halls of this doomful prison that Satan would whoop me with and He has shown me His incredible mercy and love.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately on how many years ago I let someone influence me to be a certain way that took away my sweet, loving and merciful spirit. I've worked for the past few years erasing all of their influence in my life and cultivating what once was and bringing it back to life again. I've found that you can be so greatly influenced by someone that you will forget yourself and then you wake up one day and realize that you are ugly inside. Then and only then, does the truth stare back at you and you have a choice to make - be bitter or be better!
I've grown to be a very merciful person and my compassion for people has grown so intensely that my heart yearns for anyone in need, sick or hurt or in a sad situation. I want to do more for others than just feel for them - I want to be God's hands and feet and mouth to help them. I've always been this way but for a few years I let an evil influence drown out my mercy and love in the name of being right.
For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment.
Clarke commentary says:
A merciful man rejoices rather in opportunities of showing mercy, than in acting according to strict justice.
My joy is in being able to give others mercy when they have wronged me, I don't rather wish they would be punished. I remember forgiving a lady that spread rumors and gossip about me in my church. She was very smug as I asked her to forgive me for offending her. However, 8 months later, she told me that I was bigger than she was to say I was sorry and that I had nothing to be sorry for, she had been wrong and she apologized to me. She eventually left my church because others were not so merciful to her for what she had done and other things she had done. I'm not rejoicing she is in sin now but some people seem to feel an unrighteous praise that she got what was coming to her. They have the wrong spirit and in due time, they too will be returned for their unmerciful ways.
Take note of this my friends - as Pastor Olson has said so many times, stay sweet in your soul!