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5th Baby Awaiting Us In Heaven

I can't say that this came as a shock to me as I have felt this pregnancy just wasn't right from the very beginning.  I felt it was weird, I even told my husband I felt that the baby wasn't human (I was having weird thoughts!!) and about 6 weeks ago I had felt that the baby was dead inside of me - though others assured me it was just crazy thoughts.

Last night I started to bleed and I knew - I just knew my crazy thoughts were real.  I then started having pain and contractions by the time we got to the hospital.  I told the doctor how I had been feeling for 6 weeks and he said that the baby wouldn't be dead in me that long.  Well.....after the ultrasound results came back, he came back in and said I was right, the baby died in me 6 weeks ago, which was about the time I had had the terrible case of the flu for 2 weeks.  For some reason my body wasn't expelling it until now.

I was calm through most everything and felt that I was ready for this.  They put me to sleep and did a D&C and also checked for cancer with that growth I had on my cervix but they are pretty sure it isn't cancerous after getting a better look at it.

It is kind of ironic that I just blogged about tempting God as I feel that now if I continue to try to have a baby it wouldn't be right for us.  This one was really confirmation to me that my body can not do this anymore.  Who knows what God protected me from or prevented - He knows!  His will be done!!  I'm SO THANKFUL for the 2 miracles I have - my daughter and son - and how I wasn't even supposed to be able to have them!  They are truly miracles and I have 5 children awaiting me in Heaven!

As has come to me so many times in the past miscarriages - Job's words:

Job 1:21

".....the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."