Friday, January 23, 2015

5th Baby Awaiting Us In Heaven

I can't say that this came as a shock to me as I have felt this pregnancy just wasn't right from the very beginning.  I felt it was weird, I even told my husband I felt that the baby wasn't human (I was having weird thoughts!!) and about 6 weeks ago I had felt that the baby was dead inside of me - though others assured me it was just crazy thoughts.

Last night I started to bleed and I knew - I just knew my crazy thoughts were real.  I then started having pain and contractions by the time we got to the hospital.  I told the doctor how I had been feeling for 6 weeks and he said that the baby wouldn't be dead in me that long.  Well.....after the ultrasound results came back, he came back in and said I was right, the baby died in me 6 weeks ago, which was about the time I had had the terrible case of the flu for 2 weeks.  For some reason my body wasn't expelling it until now.

I was calm through most everything and felt that I was ready for this.  They put me to sleep and did a D&C and also checked for cancer with that growth I had on my cervix but they are pretty sure it isn't cancerous after getting a better look at it.

It is kind of ironic that I just blogged about tempting God as I feel that now if I continue to try to have a baby it wouldn't be right for us.  This one was really confirmation to me that my body can not do this anymore.  Who knows what God protected me from or prevented - He knows!  His will be done!!  I'm SO THANKFUL for the 2 miracles I have - my daughter and son - and how I wasn't even supposed to be able to have them!  They are truly miracles and I have 5 children awaiting me in Heaven!

As has come to me so many times in the past miscarriages - Job's words:

Job 1:21

".....the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

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Anonymous said...

Oh Sweetie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know that there are no words of comfort....but I am sending along huge hugs your way. (I just went through this in mid-November; so I understand). Give yourself some time.... :-(

Twocans said...

I'm so sorry, Sis. My prayers are with your family at this time...

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you both for taking the time to leave a comment and show me you care! I appreciate it!! :-)

Sharon said...

Oh no! I am so sorry! I, too, carried a baby for around seven weeks after a loss, so I know wit is definatly possible. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thanks Sharon and sorry for your past loss as well. I remember at my 12 week appointment that my OB didn't check the baby's heartbeat or anything - just talked to me. It really bothered me and probably because it had died around that time, but I'm thankful that I didn't know for Christmas, or New Year's or my birthday a week later - seemed like today was the perfect time to find out. Our gender appointment was on Tuesday and I'm SO GLAD that we didn't go there excited to find out what the baby is and then learn there for the first time it was dead - I'm glad God spared us and our children that and allowed to come about today!

michelle said...

I'm so sorry Bev! Big hugs!

tealady said...

Bev I am so very,very sorry to hear this terrible loss.I know that there is nothing I can say to ease your pain just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

My one and only baby is waiting for me in heaven too.
Sending you lots of hugs.

Anonymous said...

Sorry for your loss. What comes to mind is the first half of Jeremiah 30-17. "I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD," may you & your family be filled with HIS peace & the warmth of his Spirit surround & comfort you. The bible says there is a time to mourn & I hope you & your husband take it and don't just go through the motions.
24 “‘“The Lord bless you
and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”’

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you all for your words and prayers!! :-) It really hit me this morning when I woke up and I cried pretty hard but I try and keep my mind on God knowing why and trusting Him helps me through all this!

Jessica said...

I am so, so sorry! :(

Christian Homekeeper said...

Thank you Jessica!

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