Part 1 - Fighting God's Will

Shortly after getting saved, my husband was told he was called to preach, however, he never received such a calling for himself personally from God.  However, he did what he was told and he preached over a few years many times.  To me, it was very evident he could preach and with ease, and there were even people that would only come when he was preaching.  He preached in love and it was a very special kind of preaching that I still cherish the memories of.  I was convinced he was called, whether or not he believed it, he just needed to be forced into this thing, right?  And force I did.  I pushed him to go to Seminary against his own will.  That is something that I deeply regret and something that taught me to never choose for my husband what God wants him to do as it didn't end well, but that is another story in itself.

My husband sat at the Seminary for years after we dropped out after only completing 18 weeks.  I decided I wouldn't force my husband to do something outside of what he wasn't receiving from God.  I, finally, after many years of just being limbo, asked him what it was that God wanted us to do.  So many where telling us we were supposed to finish Seminary, but how come my husband didn't get that?  I thought maybe he just wasn't listening properly to God or something.  Could he be a Jonah?  These where things going through my head.  One night, he started really seeking God for what it was that God wanted him to do; he was ready.  At the altar in silent prayer he waited for God to speak and God did speak 2 words: *****, Ohio.  That was all.  He was expecting God to call him to preach or go to the Seminary but he didn't receive any of that.  So a few services later, he prayed again silently at the altar and again received 2 words: *****, Ohio.

He didn't tell me this was going on and I was really ready to give up on everything.  One night I pressed him harder than normal about going back to Seminary or what where we doing with our lives.  He told me God had given him a place.  I was like what!?  A place!?  Where is it??  He wouldn't tell me.  I was so angry as to why he wouldn't tell me and with my hands on my hips I said, "I will go pray and God will tell me."  I stomped off and closed the bedroom door.  Then of course I couldn't pray because of the way I just reacted to my husband, so I had to repent LOL!  I knelt down by my bed and cried out to God.  Years of hurt, rejection, pain, feeling like an outcast and a nobody, feeling like I was cursed and that we were somehow not useful to God came pouring out of me in groanings.  I asked God what He wanted us to do.  I got 2 words: *****, Ohio.  I thought that logically just doesn't make any sense, I mean we have never even been there.

I came out of the bedroom and into the kitchen and my husband asked me, what did you get?  I just said, "Well, all I got was *****, Ohio and that doesn't make any sense."  And I laughed.  He was quiet, so I turned around and saw him with his mouth gaping open.  He said that was what he got 2 times in prayer and he related the story to me of how he received it.  I just started jumping up and down thinking we finally have a place to go and maybe even a purpose for God!!  I was so excited and ready to pack and go.  However, for 3 (horrible) years my husband dug his heels in and wouldn't go.  He finally decided to stay put in Washington where all the financial blessings where and buy a house.  Long story short - nothing would work out.  God put roadblocks in our way.  Every time I prayed, I would get *****, Ohio and I got so mad at God, I told Him off!  Seriously - I even stopped praying altogether because I was tired of hearing *****, Ohio.  If God couldn't move my husband to leave, then I sure wasn't going to, as I learned many years before.  I was very close to leaving everything - I mean everything.

I came to the point where I was DONE!  I was done with my marriage.  I was done with my church.  I was done with everything.  I was going back home, even though that wasn't going to be the best place for me, I had no other option.  I wasn't going to keep living in this prison.  I called my Pastor crying and telling him I was DONE!  He knew I was serious right away, I had reached ENOUGH.  He told me to tell that man (my husband) to make a decision.  I was like, ya right, like my husband is going to do that.  I was like ok, whatever and hung up.  I called my husband in and I said to make a decision.  He laid on the bed looking up at the ceiling as I waited.  What did my Pastor know?  Ask him to make a decision - like that's going to work I thought.  Then, it happened.  My husband said we will go to *****, Ohio.  I didn't believe him and I told him so.  He then lifted up his hand to the ceiling and told God, "God, I will go."  It was like the most intense feeling of the Holy Spirit I've ever felt in my life came down on us in that bed that night.  It flooded us and I was crying and shouting and soaking in God.  Something had just happened, the floodgates of blessings were unlocked.  My husband finally quit fighting God and that was all God was waiting for was those words - GOD, I WILL GO!

The morning after my husband said we will go, there was a house just listed for sale.  Not only was in it the suburb God had given me in prayer before, but it was everything on my wish list that we needed at the price we needed.  How could this be I thought.  We stepped out on faith and put in an offer without even seeing it and we got it.  Everything worked out and it was better than we thought.  It only took 30 days from the night my husband said to God we will go to the day we pulled in the driveway of our new home.  Unbelievable... but that is God!

You come to a point in your life, when you decide that you are a child of God, the veil was torn, we have direct access to God and if you are His, you WILL know His voice.  You start listening to God speak and you drown out all the other voices.  You muster up the faith to step out and do what God says, even when it goes against all sense because God likes to lead you out of your comfort zones to walk on the water.  As the song goes, you may see the valley but God sees the mountain you will soon be standing on!  God knows what is best for your life - trust Him!!

In Part 2+, I will be talking about what has happened since moving to Ohio.