I know that I had an abrupt closure of my blog last June but I had received a warning about a group of women who were bent on ridiculing homemakers online. I heeded it as from the Lord and quickly closed everything up and cowered in fear over in the corner. I'm ashamed of that now but I believe God used that to help me get over fear, to some extent, not that I've conquered fear but I'm no where near where I was last June.
June was also the month that God told my husband to start a church! Yes, in the middle of a pandemic no less. God is funny. That is going very well and it is honestly the best church I've ever been in and just what we needed.
I had to come to the place, at least mostly, that I knew who I was and I knew what it was God wanted to do with me; in regards to this blog and the podcast. I wrestled constantly with the Lord over this because I did NOT want to do it. I just wanted my happy, drama-free, peaceful spot away from the criticism, mocking and torturous world of having your writing and words ripped to shreds by those who come at you personally online. However, through messages that were preached and even being called out during church services because God had a direct message for me - fear not - I was constantly reminded that I had a mission to teach women.
I determined I would never come online again unless I knew it was God that wanted me to. I wouldn't subject my family and our life to the possibility of what it could mean to stand for truth in the brutal society we are experiencing right now. I felt so many things I was supposed to say over the almost-year, but I refused out of fear.
Now, I'm not the super-sensitive, insecure woman out of my choice. It's a very long story but doctors/cardiologists/brain doctors have discovered that I was born with a few deformities in my heart and other places that have caused me to feel things 10% more than the average person. And since my traumatic brain injury from a car accident in 2016, in the words of my doctor, I now feel things 110% more than the average person! So, it was more than fear that kept me away - it was literally because I will feel the load of the criticism even that much more so.
WHY would God want me to do this?? Doesn't he know how delicate and sensitive I am? Why can't he use someone else. Why can't I live my life in peace without having to persuade others of the truth? Well, here I am. I'm tired of wrestling with God over this - I don't make the rules or the callings or the will of God - I'm just required to follow them in obedience. And in this case, in pure sacrifice.
God brought me to Ohio to show me just who I really am. He brought us all to be able to stand on our two feet and walk into the destiny that He intended for us. He truly has made me steadfast in more ways than you can imagine.
