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Showing posts from January, 2015

Where Do I Go From Here?

This past miscarriage was the hardest I've ever experienced because it was the only one of the 5 I've had that I had seen the baby, seen it move and heard its heartbeat three times over several weeks.  I thought I was in the safe zone and I admit I took it for granted.  I felt like I was detached from my body in the first 24 hours or so.  My doctor noticed this but didn't say anything until today.  Some people experience that initial shock and numbness and disassociate themselves from the trauma and that is what happened to me and now I realize that. It did finally hit me and I've been grieving very hard experiencing a pain that I've never gone through.  I've read a lot and though it hurt, it helped too.  I talked a lot with my husband and that has been helping in the process.  I went through guilt and blame thinking I did this somehow by not eating enough or taking tylenol when I had the flu or doing too much, etc.  That is normal too from what I read and wa

In His Arms

I saw this on a blog and wanted to share as it really comforted me through my loss yesterday and I think it would do the same for those who have lost a baby as well: IN HIS ARMS My dearest little baby, my dearest little flower, The time of your departing, was my darkest hour. I longed to see and touch you, I longed to hold you close, I dreamed of counting fingers, and all your little toes. I dreamed of what we'd name you, and the joy that you would bring To your brother and your sister, oh how they'd laugh and sing! For there is nothing quite as precious as a brand new little life, And nothing quite as empty, when it's takes eternal flight. Others think I'm mourning over such a little thing, "We'll have plenty more and our lives are still the same." But what is greater than life? And what is deeper than its loss? Is it not what Jesus gave us when He died upon the cross? Life is the greatest of all gifts, life is the greatest of all jo

5th Baby Awaiting Us In Heaven

I can't say that this came as a shock to me as I have felt this pregnancy just wasn't right from the very beginning.  I felt it was weird, I even told my husband I felt that the baby wasn't human (I was having weird thoughts!!) and about 6 weeks ago I had felt that the baby was dead inside of me - though others assured me it was just crazy thoughts. Last night I started to bleed and I knew - I just knew my crazy thoughts were real.  I then started having pain and contractions by the time we got to the hospital.  I told the doctor how I had been feeling for 6 weeks and he said that the baby wouldn't be dead in me that long.  Well.....after the ultrasound results came back, he came back in and said I was right, the baby died in me 6 weeks ago , which was about the time I had had the terrible case of the flu for 2 weeks.  For some reason my body wasn't expelling it until now. I was calm through most everything and felt that I was ready for this.  They put me to sle

Tempting God?

I have been asked for advice on special situations in people's lives when it comes to birth control and children.  I've always told people that it is between them and God and their spouse - my opinion is just that - an opinion.  There has been circumstances of where the woman was medically at risk if she was to have children and my opinion was in those cases, you shouldn't risk it.  Although, when it came to my own personal life after a difficult pregnancy, I wasn't so sure.  I felt that God allowed us to have another child but I'm not 100% sure that I should have more if this one ends in a c-section.  That is something I will have to be in much prayer about and discuss with my husband. I'm not Catholic but something that Pope Francis said recently, really made me think.  I put the quote below and he talks of a woman who had 7 c-sections and is pregnant again.  He basically says she is tempting God and could leave those 7 children orphans as she could die.  I

Family Average Electric Usage

We only have electric (no gas) , and I have learned over the years that our usage has been predictable and follows a certain pattern.  My electric company offers charts and usage comparisons so that you can see what you use and when you use the most.  These are great for planning your budget throughout the year and seeing those months where you can save money for other things. We pay every 2 months for electric and so what is the highest month - January - is actually part of November, all of December and part of January's usage.  Those are the times we use heat the most and heat is expensive as you can see.  We keep our thermostat at 66 most of the time, though we have gone down to 65 some nights.  We live in a 1500 sq. ft mobile home, so the insulation is not that great, especially the floor since we are on blocks and the carpet tends to always be cold .  I would imagine in a stick-built home on a foundation with insulation, our usage and costs would be lower. In the summer, we

Organizing 4-Drawer File Cabinet & Categories List

I bought our 4-drawer filing cabinet last year but after all my health issues, I never got around to consolidating all of our papers into this one cabinet.....until this past week!  It took a lot of work and a few days but I got it done and it feels so good to have a place for just about every paper that we could own.  I don't think I've been this organized with papers ever in my life.  We have had file boxes before but it wasn't organized like this.  I had piles and boxes and bins of papers all over the house and I was tired of that, even though some were organized, I wanted them all in ONE place and that is what I have now. So without further adieu....... I divided the drawers into 4 categories - Home, School, Important Papers and Manuals & Records Here is the first drawer - Home 2nd drawer - School (Homeschool) 3rd drawer - Important Papers 4th drawer - Manuals & Records Here is a list of the categories I used for each drawer,