Christian Homekeeping

I'm not going to get into a war of the scriptures on this topic, as I believe, as with all things, there are some things that are the exception to the rule.  I also believe that God can allow whatever He will when He sees fit for each circumstance.  No one knows what goes on in a marriage, save the ones in it and God.  You have to be VERY careful when you make blanket judgements in this area.  I for one, believe it is solely between the individuals involved (husband and wife) and GOD - no one else.

Some possible exceptions:

• Abuse from spouse - if the women (or man in rare cases) is being abused by the husband, I do not believe God would force this women to stay married to such a man, nor do I think she is doomed to a life of singleness if she leaves him.
• Abuse of children - if the spouse is abusing the children, the other spouse should take the children away and protect them.  You can't tell me that God would make a woman stay with a man that is molesting his/her child!  You have to be pretty sick to believe that.
• Arranged Marriages - this isn't common in our country but I do know people who were coerced into marrying someone they didn't want to.  I personally don't feel that the marriage is valid.  Things like this can happen in religious cults of all kinds or certain cultures.  I definitely do not feel that a child being "married" to an older man against her will (or even because she isn't old enough to understand what she is doing) is valid either.  These type of marriages are made out of control, manipulation or force.  How can they be valid?
• Desertion - this is where a spouse leaves you or abandons you.  This could possibly include other things as well that indicate a spouse has deserted you.  There are those that you can not live peaceably with and it can cause you to even die emotionally, spiritually and shows up in the physical body.  I've heard from some Pastors that you can be "deserted" in these ways by a spouse.
• Fornication/Adultery - most people believe you are free from your vow of marriage if the other commits sexual sin against you.  However, this also includes the mere thoughts as well, as Jesus Himself let the self-righteous Pharisees realize that lustful thoughts are also adultery. (Matt. 5:28)  Pornography is adultery (as well as covetousness and idolatry), as is lusting after someone who isn't your spouse.  There wouldn't be so many condemners of adultery and divorce if the self-righteous Pharisees realized their "private" adulterous thoughts are also guilty of the same.  I've found the men most vehement about those who commit adultery, are the very ones guilty of it in their minds.  Jesus realized that as well!  Who can really cast the stone!? (John 8:7)

What it all comes down to is that if it is a "sin" to divorce or even a "sin" to remarry - it is a good thing that God is in the business of forgiving sin!  There is only one sin that is unforgivable and that is the blaspheming of the Holy Ghost.  (Mark 3:29)

Why is it ok and "better to marry than to burn" when you are single but if you are divorced, you must burn away till you die?  No wonder people commit fornication. (1 Cor. 7:9)

YOU must stand before God and give account for YOUR life.  Your marriage, divorce and/or remarriage is between you and God, and you and God only.

Don't take other's condemnation to be the judge of your life and also don't even take other's acceptance to be the judge - judge yourself.

* Each spouse has a duty to the other and gross neglect could be considered a break in the vow. Love and forgiveness can keep couples together but when the other spouse isn't willing to change after knowing what they are doing is abusive or not fulfilling their duty, we enter new territory which the Bible doesn't include - that, along with numerous other exceptions to other topics, are not included in the Bible because if it was, it would be over 10,000 pages long!

We have discussed in Part 1 - Sexual Needs and in Part 2 - Psychological Needs.  We will now move to the last of the three biggest needs men have - Emotional Needs.

Emotional Needs

Believe it or not, men have emotions!  Now, they may not be as evident as women because we truly received more of God's nature in the emotional department, while men received more of the stability.  However, men still need their emotional needs met and it is crucial that they be met.


Let's list a few of the major emotional needs:

• Affection
• Encouragement
• Companionship
• Respect
• Intimacy

Men need affection and touch.  Some grew up in homes where affection was not given and they may not even know they need it but they will soon realize how much they needed it, once they start receiving it.  Wives be affectionate towards your husband!  Don't push him away when he comes to you for affection.  Rejection hurts but it really hurts when it comes from someone that should love you more than anyone.  There are many ways you can be affectionate to your husband besides the obvious touching, of which can be found by simply Googling.

Men need encouragement.  Life is hard and working on a job can be even harder and one that wives forget about when they have been homemakers.  When your husband comes home from work, offer him encouragement.  He will, more than likely, need it, as he has been around the ungodly all day in most cases.  My husband has remarked many times in the past of how he loves to come home to a Godly household, one that is a refuge from the world.  If you are constantly discouraging your husband, you could be destroying his spirit and emotions even further than what he already faces.

Men need companionship.  He married you, not just for sex, but also for companionship.  It isn't fun to be alone and it is better when you have two!  Be that companion for him.  Join in activities with him.  Go out with him and enjoy things together.  Stay home and be his companion just enjoying time together hanging out on the couch.

Men need respect.  This is probably the one he feels he needs the most.  A lot of feminists will not respect men at all and if they ever do, they will demand that he "earn" the respect.  God has quite a different take on this:

Ephesians 5:33

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Barnes commentary on reverencing the husband:

The word rendered “reverence,” is that which usually denotes “fear” - φοβῆται  phobētai. She is to fear; i. e., to honor, respect, obey the will of her husband. It is, of course, not implied that it is not also her duty to love her husband, but that there should be no usurping of authority; no disregard of the arrangement which God has made; and that order and peace should be secured in a family by regarding the husband as the source of law.

A woman that disrespects her husband on a normal basis will wound her husband.  With respect, he can do so much that he was made by God to do, without it, he will find it difficult.


Men need intimacy.  Most people just think intimacy is sex but it isn't, it is a feeling of being connected to one another.  Men want their wives to know them, who they are and be in to them.  Think of being very close to one another in an emotional sense.  You can feel his very soul and you know who he really is deep, down inside.

A quote from Focus on the Family:

Real intimacy makes us feel alive like we've been found, as if someone finally took the time to peer into the depths of our soul and really see us there. Until then, until we experience true intimacy, we will feel passed over and ignored, like someone is looking right through us.

I think you can get a good picture of what a man needs emotionally based upon the above description of some of his needs.  This isn't all the needs of men of course but I chose the ones I thought most important for wives to make sure they meet.

I think Barnes' commentary sums it all up nicely:

A wife may easily alienate the affections of her partner in life. If she is irritable and fault-finding; if none of his ways please her; if she takes no interest in his plans, and in what he does; if she forsakes her home when she should he there, and seeks happiness abroad; or if, at home, she never greets him with a smile; if she is wasteful of his earnings, and extravagant in her habits, it will be impossible to prevent the effects of such a course of life on his mind.

You can read, Part 1 Sexual Needs here.  Now, I'm going to move on to the second need a man has and needs from his wife; Psychological Needs.

Psychological Needs

Men need admiration from their wives.  They need moral support.  They need you to be their biggest cheerleader.  They need to know you are in THEIR corner.  They need to know you are on THEIR side.  They need what God said they needed - a help meet.

Genesis 2:18

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

A lot of women will gossip about their husbands to other women.  They will also ridicule him or put him down in public.  They are his biggest enemy, if truth be told.  They are not in his corner and definitely not on his side.  I've known women that are only proud of their husbands when it makes them look good.  They are selfish and not a help-meet at all.

If everyone is against him and he can't count on you either, then you are not being a help meet, much less a wife.

I'm embarking on a new series concerning marriage.  It is much needed, and most especially in the Christian church today.  Men and women have forgotten what marriage is, how it should operate, what is needed and how to keep it.  I will be covering the husband, the wife and divorce and remarriage.  This has been on my mind since earlier this year and I pray it will be a blessing to you.


Loving Your Husband

This is comprised partly, of my opinion, based on my experience(s), combined with the Bible and psychological studies over the years.  I believe there are 3 extremely important areas of a man that must be met by his wife:

1. Sexual needs
2. Psychological needs
3. Emotional needs

Sexual Needs

I put this number one because it truly is men's number one need.  There are feminists out there that want to deny this.  There are Christian "experts" who want to say it isn't a "need".  However, I will step out and say it is NUMERO UNO to most normal men.  A man by nature has been given a sexual drive that far surpasses the female in most (not all) cases.  It is something that can only be suppressed for so long. 

The wife does not own her body, the husband does.  I hear some of you wagging your finger in the air saying that ain't so, but lets see what God said:

1 Corinthians 7:4

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband:...

Your husband should be able to enjoy you when he wants.  He shouldn't have to beg for it.  He shouldn't be denied it.  He shouldn't be put off to another time.  You should freely meet his sexual needs as often as he would like.  I know that I just upset a whole lot of women but this is really how it should be.  Our society is made up of feminists who think men have to beg for it, be denied it, earn it, work for it, etc.  That is cruel knowing that your husband's greatest need as a man is his need to be fulfilled sexually.  There are times that you can both agree to abstain for a time due to extraordinary circumstances.  I would think this would be things like surgery, sickness, moving, etc.  However, if you have a headache every time he wants it, you need to rethink your true motives toward these "illnesses" that put him off.

1 Corinthians 7:5

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 

If you defraud your husband - you will reap the consequences!  You can't deprive him of affection and expect him to feel good towards you.  I knew many women in recent years, yes Christian women, who would brag about not letting their husbands have it unless he did this or that.  I remember being disgusted at hearing them talk to one another and laugh as if it was some sort of a game.  I was thinking of their husbands and how horrible it was probably for them to endure deprivation in such a manner and also to remain pure before God and resist temptation.  These wives put their husbands in a situation that made him weak to fight off temptation.  I personally believe that they are partly, if not more so, responsible for the husband's infidelity, if he did get to that point due to his wife's defraudment.

I know this flies in the face of society and our culture but it should be the normal teaching in the Christian world.  If you truly LOVE your husband, it will not be an issue to meet his greatest need.  To not meet it, is to not love him.  You are his partner in life and you should be the one that does all you can to help him resist all that is around him.  Everywhere men turn there are women showing themselves off.  He already fights this daily and if you neglect your duty, you make it even harder for him to resist lust.  He has a hard enough time and you are supposed to be his cherished love - act like it!  If you don't love him, believe me, someone else will.

Being a Christian is a life of self-denial, being a sinner is a life of selfishness.  Wives, you have to deny yourself sometimes when your husband needs it and you don't feel like it.  Feminists want to be selfish and hold it over their husband's heads, as if they have the power.  This should not be so among Christian wives.

My husband has said he has never lusted after another woman than me in our entire marriage of almost 18 years.  He hasn't even entertained the thought.  There is a reason for that, besides simply being saved and filled with the Holy Spirit and a man of high character, - his wife meets his needs.

Disclaimer: I know there are even Christian men, who will have wives that meet their needs and still lust, view pornography (which is adultery) and commit acts of infidelity.  These men have become unbridled somewhere along the way and allowed their thoughts to be uncontrolled.  That is not the wife's fault!  I also believe if a man wants it 5 times a day, he needs to gain control of himself.  You can't expect the wife to fulfill her duty past the point of physical harm in such cases.  This would be something one should seek a medical solution to, to lower the sex drive.

Part 2 - Psychological Needs