Christian Homekeeping

American society is constantly pushing against the family.  The most normal thing of all - having a family - is now considered repugnant.  However, remember, God created family!  It is no wonder this "world" doesn't want it.  Don't fall for churches and pastors that preach the world's ideology of preventing children, as if God was ever going to change His tune and start preaching the devil's doctrine.

Now, we are facing an economical attack on the family that could become successful during my lifetime of making it almost impossible for Americans to live on one income; that is, if you keep the American mindset of what normal is.  Americans think that we all must have our own house, fully furnished and eat meat at every meal and anything less is poverty.  No wonder the world scoffs at us when we talk about hardship!  

Is it really impossible to live on one income in America today?  Let's see what you can do going forth to be obedient to God rather than make excuses for your disobedience:

1. Multigenerational family living - Women will disobey God's Word of being a keeper at home because she deems it necessary due to her husband's low wages, when she hasn't even considered multigeneration living with her parents or in-laws or even her adult children.  More and more Americans are starting to do what the rest of the world has always done, living in a multigenerational home.  I would rather share a home with my adult daughter and her family than her (or even me) forsake God's commands and God forbid work on a job to have a singular family home.  When push comes to shove - do you look for alternatives or are you quick to rebel against God's Word?
2. Extreme frugality - I see it all the time, women think if they can't get their nails and hair done, eat out everyday and shop for clothes every week, then they are struggling.  God has to be nauseated at the American lifestyle!!  Practice a little frugality to bring yourself down to earth and have some discipline.  Eat meat only a few times a week and learn how to make good, nutritious meals with beans and other meatless options.  Not only is this good for your wallet but it is very good for your health, not to mention your waistline.
3. Giving up American luxuries - Most Americans don't view things such as high speed internet, new cars, name brand clothes, cell phones and eating out as luxuries but they are!  You could could cut out your high speed internet and downgrade to a cheaper plan or get rid of home internet altogether and use the library public Wi-Fi and computers that tax dollars pay for.  Buy cheap, used cars and keep up on the maintenance to help them last longer.  Shop thrift stores and yard sales for clothing or just make what you have last longer by taking care of it.  Cut out expensive cell phones and plans and go with a cheaper option or get rid of your cell phone or landline altogether and just have one.  Stop eating out and spare yourself disease that restaurant food attributes to and cook healthy food at home.  This king of goes hand in hand with #3 but we tend to view these luxuries as necessities and it just isn't so.
4. Sell things - As a wife, you could possibly find time to sell your crafts or goods online or at fairs.  You could also resell things from second-hand shops on eBay.  It's an option and one that I personally feel is acceptable if it doesn't take you away from your responsibilities.
5. Move and live where you can afford - If you can't make it where you are, don't stay there after exhausting the above list - MOVE!  Many cities and small towns in America are affordable, just pick up and move.

I've learned that whether or not you are a Christian, there is a law that seems to happen that whenever the man and woman step into their proper roles - the result is a blessing.  I dare you to try it.  I've done this for 20 years!  If the man fulfills his Godly role of being the provider and the head of the home and loving his wife as Christ loved the church and the woman fulfills her Godly role of being the keeper at home and in submission to her husband and respects him and his decisions - you can't help but be blessed!!

During this time of quarantine we can see so many women acting like they are literally dying by 1. Being home and 2. Being home with their kids.  These women are so unaware of what they were made for.  Their children FEEL that they are unwanted, I know because I was one of them with a mother like that.  Let me tell you something women that are like this, listen to me and listen close.  It is time for you to SURRENDER.  You are called to sacrifice yourself for your husband and children.  You can't be selfish, it will only hurt the ones you are supposed to love the most - your family.  Let go and surrender your agenda and serve your family!

We are called to a life of service as women.  We can't let our own pursuits take over to the point that we are serving self and neglecting not only the very people we are responsible for; our children; but the very thing we are created for!

After 20 years of living on one income and being in my role as a woman and my husband in his as a man, I can look back and see the wonderful law of blessing that God has put upon this type of unity.  It's as if no matter how 2-income couples try their hardest to get ahead, they have to work extra hard for it than we did.  Sometimes God has just handed us things on a platter for free.  Was it just because we were His children?  I don't think so because I know unsaved couples that saw this law of blessing performed in their lives because of the proper unity of roles.  There is just something about obeying the natural roles that applies to everyone!

In reality, the "law" is actual obedience to God's Word and thereby comes the blessing.  God created us in the roles He did and they work in perfect unity when performed and if we do the opposite, we can't expect that this law of blessing will reside upon us because we are in disobedience.  It's time to get this law of blessing working in your family today!  No career is worth disobeying God for and neglecting your home, husband and children.  Disobeying this very basic role for which you are made is only going to hurt you and that, quite possibly, for all eternity.

What is the basis, the real reason why a woman, who has an able-bodied husband to provide for her - would go to work?  You could say greed, covetousness, etc. but the true basis is that of UNBELIEF.  They don't believe or have faith in God to follow His Word and live on their husband's income.  They have decided rather to take matters into their hands and make it happen.  Instead of being dependent upon God and His Word, they rather play God and become independent and put themselves under another man's headship besides their husband.

Faith does God's Word and falls into line with the roles we were made to follow.  Faith depends upon God to provide, not ourselves as women.  Faith shows the world that God's Word is true and you can depend upon Him!  No wonder God says women can cause the Word of God to be blasphemed.  By not following His Word - they are encouraging the world, the unsaved, to be independent upon themselves and not dependent upon God.  Titus 2:5


Clark says it well:

That the word of God be not blasphemed - The enemies of the Gospel are quick-eyed to spy out imperfections in its professors; and, if they find women professing Christianity living an irregular life, they will not fail to decry the Christian doctrine on this account: “Behold your boasted religion! it professes to reform all things, and its very professors are no better than others! Our heathenism is as good as your Christianity.” These are cutting reproaches; and much they will have to answer for who give cause for these blasphemies.

When people ask me how we do it without me working and how we've done it for almost 19 years now, the answer is easy - I have FAITH in God.  Sure, I could definitely take things into my hands and get a career but for what end?  To have more stuff?  To have a bigger house to store more stuff?  To be a money lover?  To see my kids tossed on someone else to school and babysit?  To cause the Word of God to be blasphemed by showing I have no faith it can be done God's way?  Why in the world would I want that!?

I trust God and have always trusted God to provide by following His Word and His model for a wife and it has proved blessed.  I would rather have God (and my husband and children) smile on me than have the acclaim of others by what career I had or what awards I had.  I've already been down that road.  I had many awards in my short military career, advanced fast and was set for a successful career in the world's eyes.  I had a choice when I got saved and then got married - I could either continue my selfish desires or I could submit myself to my husband as the head and to God's Word for wives.  I chose God's way!

Pray to God to help your evil heart of unbelief and start believing in faith that God can provide your needs through His master plan for the husband and wife and family!!  Show the world through your life and your faith that there IS something different.  Don't allow your independence and unbelief to blaspheme God's Word to the lost!  Either He is your God or He isn't!  Either His Word works or it doesn't!

We have discussed in Part 1 - Sexual Needs and in Part 2 - Psychological Needs.  We will now move to the last of the three biggest needs men have - Emotional Needs.

Emotional Needs

Believe it or not, men have emotions!  Now, they may not be as evident as women because we truly received more of God's nature in the emotional department, while men received more of the stability.  However, men still need their emotional needs met and it is crucial that they be met.


Let's list a few of the major emotional needs:

• Affection
• Encouragement
• Companionship
• Respect
• Intimacy

Men need affection and touch.  Some grew up in homes where affection was not given and they may not even know they need it but they will soon realize how much they needed it, once they start receiving it.  Wives be affectionate towards your husband!  Don't push him away when he comes to you for affection.  Rejection hurts but it really hurts when it comes from someone that should love you more than anyone.  There are many ways you can be affectionate to your husband besides the obvious touching, of which can be found by simply Googling.

Men need encouragement.  Life is hard and working on a job can be even harder and one that wives forget about when they have been homemakers.  When your husband comes home from work, offer him encouragement.  He will, more than likely, need it, as he has been around the ungodly all day in most cases.  My husband has remarked many times in the past of how he loves to come home to a Godly household, one that is a refuge from the world.  If you are constantly discouraging your husband, you could be destroying his spirit and emotions even further than what he already faces.

Men need companionship.  He married you, not just for sex, but also for companionship.  It isn't fun to be alone and it is better when you have two!  Be that companion for him.  Join in activities with him.  Go out with him and enjoy things together.  Stay home and be his companion just enjoying time together hanging out on the couch.

Men need respect.  This is probably the one he feels he needs the most.  A lot of feminists will not respect men at all and if they ever do, they will demand that he "earn" the respect.  God has quite a different take on this:

Ephesians 5:33

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Barnes commentary on reverencing the husband:

The word rendered “reverence,” is that which usually denotes “fear” - φοβῆται  phobētai. She is to fear; i. e., to honor, respect, obey the will of her husband. It is, of course, not implied that it is not also her duty to love her husband, but that there should be no usurping of authority; no disregard of the arrangement which God has made; and that order and peace should be secured in a family by regarding the husband as the source of law.

A woman that disrespects her husband on a normal basis will wound her husband.  With respect, he can do so much that he was made by God to do, without it, he will find it difficult.


Men need intimacy.  Most people just think intimacy is sex but it isn't, it is a feeling of being connected to one another.  Men want their wives to know them, who they are and be in to them.  Think of being very close to one another in an emotional sense.  You can feel his very soul and you know who he really is deep, down inside.

A quote from Focus on the Family:

Real intimacy makes us feel alive like we've been found, as if someone finally took the time to peer into the depths of our soul and really see us there. Until then, until we experience true intimacy, we will feel passed over and ignored, like someone is looking right through us.

I think you can get a good picture of what a man needs emotionally based upon the above description of some of his needs.  This isn't all the needs of men of course but I chose the ones I thought most important for wives to make sure they meet.

I think Barnes' commentary sums it all up nicely:

A wife may easily alienate the affections of her partner in life. If she is irritable and fault-finding; if none of his ways please her; if she takes no interest in his plans, and in what he does; if she forsakes her home when she should he there, and seeks happiness abroad; or if, at home, she never greets him with a smile; if she is wasteful of his earnings, and extravagant in her habits, it will be impossible to prevent the effects of such a course of life on his mind.

You can read, Part 1 Sexual Needs here.  Now, I'm going to move on to the second need a man has and needs from his wife; Psychological Needs.

Psychological Needs

Men need admiration from their wives.  They need moral support.  They need you to be their biggest cheerleader.  They need to know you are in THEIR corner.  They need to know you are on THEIR side.  They need what God said they needed - a help meet.

Genesis 2:18

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

A lot of women will gossip about their husbands to other women.  They will also ridicule him or put him down in public.  They are his biggest enemy, if truth be told.  They are not in his corner and definitely not on his side.  I've known women that are only proud of their husbands when it makes them look good.  They are selfish and not a help-meet at all.

If everyone is against him and he can't count on you either, then you are not being a help meet, much less a wife.

I'm embarking on a new series concerning marriage.  It is much needed, and most especially in the Christian church today.  Men and women have forgotten what marriage is, how it should operate, what is needed and how to keep it.  I will be covering the husband, the wife and divorce and remarriage.  This has been on my mind since earlier this year and I pray it will be a blessing to you.


Loving Your Husband

This is comprised partly, of my opinion, based on my experience(s), combined with the Bible and psychological studies over the years.  I believe there are 3 extremely important areas of a man that must be met by his wife:

1. Sexual needs
2. Psychological needs
3. Emotional needs

Sexual Needs

I put this number one because it truly is men's number one need.  There are feminists out there that want to deny this.  There are Christian "experts" who want to say it isn't a "need".  However, I will step out and say it is NUMERO UNO to most normal men.  A man by nature has been given a sexual drive that far surpasses the female in most (not all) cases.  It is something that can only be suppressed for so long. 

The wife does not own her body, the husband does.  I hear some of you wagging your finger in the air saying that ain't so, but lets see what God said:

1 Corinthians 7:4

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband:...

Your husband should be able to enjoy you when he wants.  He shouldn't have to beg for it.  He shouldn't be denied it.  He shouldn't be put off to another time.  You should freely meet his sexual needs as often as he would like.  I know that I just upset a whole lot of women but this is really how it should be.  Our society is made up of feminists who think men have to beg for it, be denied it, earn it, work for it, etc.  That is cruel knowing that your husband's greatest need as a man is his need to be fulfilled sexually.  There are times that you can both agree to abstain for a time due to extraordinary circumstances.  I would think this would be things like surgery, sickness, moving, etc.  However, if you have a headache every time he wants it, you need to rethink your true motives toward these "illnesses" that put him off.

1 Corinthians 7:5

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 

If you defraud your husband - you will reap the consequences!  You can't deprive him of affection and expect him to feel good towards you.  I knew many women in recent years, yes Christian women, who would brag about not letting their husbands have it unless he did this or that.  I remember being disgusted at hearing them talk to one another and laugh as if it was some sort of a game.  I was thinking of their husbands and how horrible it was probably for them to endure deprivation in such a manner and also to remain pure before God and resist temptation.  These wives put their husbands in a situation that made him weak to fight off temptation.  I personally believe that they are partly, if not more so, responsible for the husband's infidelity, if he did get to that point due to his wife's defraudment.

I know this flies in the face of society and our culture but it should be the normal teaching in the Christian world.  If you truly LOVE your husband, it will not be an issue to meet his greatest need.  To not meet it, is to not love him.  You are his partner in life and you should be the one that does all you can to help him resist all that is around him.  Everywhere men turn there are women showing themselves off.  He already fights this daily and if you neglect your duty, you make it even harder for him to resist lust.  He has a hard enough time and you are supposed to be his cherished love - act like it!  If you don't love him, believe me, someone else will.

Being a Christian is a life of self-denial, being a sinner is a life of selfishness.  Wives, you have to deny yourself sometimes when your husband needs it and you don't feel like it.  Feminists want to be selfish and hold it over their husband's heads, as if they have the power.  This should not be so among Christian wives.

My husband has said he has never lusted after another woman than me in our entire marriage of almost 18 years.  He hasn't even entertained the thought.  There is a reason for that, besides simply being saved and filled with the Holy Spirit and a man of high character, - his wife meets his needs.

Disclaimer: I know there are even Christian men, who will have wives that meet their needs and still lust, view pornography (which is adultery) and commit acts of infidelity.  These men have become unbridled somewhere along the way and allowed their thoughts to be uncontrolled.  That is not the wife's fault!  I also believe if a man wants it 5 times a day, he needs to gain control of himself.  You can't expect the wife to fulfill her duty past the point of physical harm in such cases.  This would be something one should seek a medical solution to, to lower the sex drive.

Part 2 - Psychological Needs